POF asked whether or not people are afraid of the “Are we exclusive?” conversation, when starting a new relationship….

No. What is to dread? Unless you have preset dispositions to distrust the person, this conversation is an excellent way to gauge several things about the other person (in my case, that would be a female)…. for one, it would measure whether the woman even cares about exclusivity. This can be a very fast way of rooting out those particular women who are good at using their charm and looks, and even playing their fake personalities, to string someone along in a relationship that can end up becoming absolute torture for one or even both parties; both, in rare circumstances. So this conversation has another benefit: It lays it all down on the table, so you get to bypass all the games and B.S. that so many other relationships degenerate into, such as those where one or both parties would prefer not to say. The one downside to this, though there is a downside to everything, potentially – no gain without risk, right? – is if the person lies to you. So the timing of asking this question, if it is going to be asked at all – (many times, it need not be asked at all) – is critical. You would like to know before even engaging in any relationship what the other’s INTENTIONS are, but there is only SO MUCH TIME you can give ANY relationship before this question MUST be answered (assuming both parties agree that they DESIRE a mutually EXCLUSIVE relationship, as opposed to a cheating relationship, etc.).. However, you cannot go by word alone, not even when you have spent say seven months of talking (whether phone, online, in person, etc.) for hours every day, or having a series of less frequent/continual dates and intimate exchanges – either will do; one is no better than the other – except when one or both require space or require constant attention. It has been my experience that people who require constant attention end up asking for so much out of you, that they end up requiring so much attention that it surpasses everything you could possibly provide. That is one of the worst traps you can find yourself in, because you already have the feeling of love and trust and respect in place, at least you BELIEVED it was there – but once that point of critical mass is reached, there is rarely any turning back, and that is how you end up in a nasty divorce or breakup.

Brendon Tristal
2013 November 9th

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